Saturday, June 19, 2010

How to Decode Job Ads

With unemployment rates remaining at their highest rates in decades, as a public service to job seekers, I am offering list of explanations on what commonly used terms in job postings really mean.

Unlimited income potential – pays straight commission

Flex time – prepare to work crazy hours and weekends

Seniority based – you start at the bottom, regardless of experience

Telecommute – you’ll have to work at home too!

The successful applicant will… - if this isn’t on your resume, don’t bother

Some travel required – prepare to live out of your suitcase

Marketing – sales

Pay commensurate with experience – we’ll pay you as little as we can get away with

Some benefits – not many

Health plan – band-aids and Tylenol are available in the employee lounge

Inside marketing – telephone sales

Opportunities for advancement – high employee turnover

Retirement plan – we pay into Social Security for you

Independent contractor – no benefits, not even Social Security

Entry level – low pay

Internship – no pay

Rapidly growing company – prepare to work long hours and do more than you get paid for

Established company – not growing and nearly bankrupt

Good customer service skills – someone who doesn’t scream at the customers

Great customer service skills – someone who doesn’t ignore the customers

Outstanding customer service skills – someone who actually is nice to the customers

People person - flirt

Outside marketing – door-to-door sales

Investment opportunity – you pay us to work for us

Bilingual – Hablas espanol?

Work at home – rip off

Producer – sales

Computer skills – you need to know more than how to get on Facebook and play World of Warcraft

Account manager – sales

Part-time – partial paycheck

Full-time – 60+ hour weeks

Receptionist – answer phones, type, file, make coffee, make copies, pick up dry cleaning, watch the boss’s kids, set up tee times, and make excuses for the boss (among other things)

Field representative – sales

Experienced – laid off by our competitors

Must have reliable transportation. – Don’t even think about missing work.

Management experience – good at telling people where to go

Nursing assistant – change bedpans

Pilot – able to sit for long periods and push buttons

Agent – sales

Motivated – able to look busy

Send resume. Do not apply in person. – Don’t call us. We’ll call you.

Now get out there and jump into the job market! Good luck with your job search and if feel free to post your own tips at reading employment ads here.

Please follow, comment, and pass along!

Fort Myers FL

June 19, 2010

Photo Credit:
Graeme Weatherston

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