Sunday, January 30, 2011

Leading to the Bedroom: The Christian Guide to Soul Sex

Courtesy of David Reid

People of my generation will remember George Michael’s exhortation that “Sex is natural, sex is good; not everybody does it, but everybody should.”  Michael had it partly right.  Sex is natural and good, but it isn’t meant for everybody.  Specifically, it is meant for married couples.  When practiced within marriage, sex strengthens the relationship between husband and wife.  However, other forms of sex can be psychologically and emotionally damaging, not to mention destructive to families.  This is part of the message of Leading to the Bedroom by West Georgia pastor and Georgia Tech graduate, David Reid.

This book is important because the divorce rate in Georgia is one of the highest in the country.  At the same time, the national marriage rate has been declining for decades.  As more and more children are raised in fractured or single-parent families, society suffers.  Being a single parent is one of the most certain ways to end up in poverty in this country.  Even if the family is financially stable, divorce causes a multitude of psychological and physical problems for children.  The physical, emotional and financial toll of broken marriages is a major strain on American society. 

Reid, the pastor of Peachtree Community Church ( in Villa Rica, Georgia, recently authored Leading to the Bedroom, a guide to helping married couples enhance their sex life.  His program also helps couples to break down walls between them, which will help other areas of their marriage as well.  What makes Leading to the Bedroom different is the source of its inspiration:  the Bible.

Reid believes that sex is a gift from God that was originally intended for both pleasure and procreation.  Beginning with the first humans in the Garden of Eden, sex gave marriage partners a close soul-to-soul connection with no barriers between them.  This connection provided the basis for a stable family.  With the Fall of Man, however, came the Battle of the Sexes, shame, embarrassment, abuse, pornography, infidelity, and myriad other obstacles to sexual closeness.  Today, power struggles and mistrust between partners have robbed many couples of the joy of sex. 

Reid makes the point that Satan does everything he can to get couples into bed before marriage and everything he can to keep them out after marriage.  This leads to many married couples experiencing a sex famine that leads to other marital difficulties.  This book makes the powerful point that God intended sex to provide us with joy and pleasure and that couples who are not experiencing that joy are missing out on what God has offered them.  Christianity has never required joylessness.

Leading to the Bedroom offers a plan to overcome these obstacles and enhance your sex life.  It will surprise many people that the Bible offers quite a bit of sexual advice.  From the origin of sex in Genesis to the wisdom sayings of Proverbs to the graphic love story of the Song of Solomon (Song of Songs), the authors of the Bible had much to say on the subject.  Reid’s research includes not only these Biblical passages, but also psychological and biological information on sex and what makes men and women tick. 

Christianity is often confused with legalism and a “thou shalt not” mentality.  It is true that the Bible contains numerous warnings and guidelines on how we should live our lives.  Reid addresses many of these sexual guidelines and stresses that they are for our own protection and benefit.  As many of us have learned from experience, when these guidelines are not followed we put the happiness and welfare of ourselves, our spouses, and our entire families at risk.  They also prevent us from reaching sexual fulfillment, what Reid calls the “icing on the cake” of the sexual relationship. 

To help couples get past all of these issues, Reid has developed the LEAD process.  The goal is deal with past wounds, resentment, and disappointment in order to reach the pinnacle of sex, “soul sex.”  The four step process is designed to help couples become more familiar and supportive of each other, more comfortable sexually, and generally more happy.  Husbands are taught to be loving servants and gentle leaders, while wives work to become responsive “yes girls.”  Reid’s plan intends to help couples introduce more frequency, fun, and fantasy into their sex lives.

Leading to the Bedroom is not a how-to sex guide, but be forewarned that parts of it are graphic.  It is a frank discussion of sex that many husbands and wives will find to be a valuable guide to improve their sex lives.  Included are sample intimacy plans and guides for talking to your spouse.  Reid’s wife, Katie, provides a woman’s perspective throughout the book.

You can purchase Leading to the Bedroom on or the book’s companion website also offers additional resources such as downloadable podcasts of Reid’s sermon series on the Song of Solomon and links to teaching by other prominent pastors about sex.  The site also contains Reid’s LTB blog.  There is also a Leading to the Bedroom page on Facebook.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, what better gift could there be for your spouse that to give the gift of sexual intimacy?  Leading to the Bedroom can help rekindle the fire in your marriage, which can help to make you happier and healthier in other areas of your life as well.  Stronger marriages also help us to raise well adjusted kids, which is important for the future of our nation.

[Full Disclosure:  I attend David Reid’s church and provided some small assistance in preparing the book for publication.  I receive no remuneration or payment for my work on the book or this article.]

The original version of this article was published simultaneously on and on August 28, 2010.

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